23262 / 50000

I couldn’t sleep. I tried telling myself, as I sat at my computer screen yawning with every other breath, that I really should at least try and get some sleep, but I just couldn’t. Not with the fact that I still have ~25,000 words that need to be written by the end of the month.

Ugh. Seriously? I still have more than half of this to write and there’s sort of a roadblock in front of me. While I didn’t wholly take the Pantser Approach to this story, I only have Chapters One through Seven outlined. Well, right now I’m in the process of opening Chapter Eight and I’m trying to put things in their place on the fly.

So, what I’m thinking is that I need to pause with the writing for just a moment and actually think through at least the next few chapters. I know that this story is going to have ~25 chapters (give or take), so I should have some kind of road map to get me there. Hell, I don’t really even know how this is going to end! That last statement isn’t entirely accurate. I have… some idea of where it’s supposed to end up, but not entirely.

I don’t want this to be just another YA fantasy/dystopian series of novels where the female protagonist doesn’t realize she’s supposed to change the world. I really do want to do something different with this, even if I may have started out on that particular track.
Of course, after I’d written 596 words this afternoon my brain decided that it was going to tell me all of my faults in great detail. I went through all of my iMessages and left every group conversation with my close friends simply because I told myself that they no longer wanted to include me in their daily… whatevers. I felt as if I didn’t deserve them. So I went through and essentially erased every message, wiping them from my lives, and at the same time taking myself out of the equation. Now they won’t have to deal with me or won’t have to deal with trying to be my friend anymore.

I went back to writing, but it was like pulling teeth.


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