11663 / 50000 words

When I was 16 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. At the time I really didn’t know what that was, or if there really was anything that I could do about it. While there were mood stabilizers, they were harder to get than simply going to your doctor and asking for Prozac. And for 14 years I suffered painfully without the assistance of any kind of medication, until finally I told myself that it was medicate myself, or die.

But for those 14 years, one of my own anti-depressants was writing. I could sit down in my room with my headphones on, scribbling words down onto a tear-soaked page about some poor, lonely child who just wants to be happy but has no idea how to accomplish that.

Today my writing was hindered by a lot of things: the last assignments of the semester, finals next week, anxiety over whether or not I’m going to have enough gas to get me to and from campus for the next two weeks, whether or not I’m going to have some kind of job or professional internship this summer, and the fact that tomorrow it’s supposed to snow when yesterday it was almost 80°. All of this weighed heavily on my mind while I tried to write, and though I did write some, what I wrote was relatively difficult to come by.


2 thoughts on “Camp NaNoWriMo — Day 14

  1. If it helps at all, I am finding everyday’s writing a bit difficult to get through. In fact, each day feels harder. But I figure there will come a day this month, a moment when the writing will come easy and the story will flow and I won’t feel like each word needs to be extracted out of me like a bad tooth. It will come, but it won’t if I stop writing, so we have to keep going.

    And hey, even one word is more than you had yesterday. Let’s face it, even a bricklayer has to go brick-by-brick to build a house. πŸ™‚

    As for your everyday worries. Try and tell yourself that worrying about it will not change it. And that when you get there, (re: internship) you will work it out. And the best part of life is that sometimes things don’t work out, but that is because something else is meant to take its place. πŸ™‚

    1. I will not lie, reading this comment made me smile a little. It was enough to knock me out of whatever funk I woke up, that’s for certain. Thank you so much for reading my entry, and writing this comment πŸ™‚

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